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Doogal Script
( gasps ) ( ice crystallizes ) ( gasps; metallic ring ) So long, Zebedee. ( evil laughter ) Aah! Zeebad! ( breathing heavily ) Only a bad dream. Everything seems fine. ( chuckles ) PILOT: # Ho ho ho, it's magic # NARRATOR: Can you imagine a faraway land where everybody is the best of friends? Well, here it is. # It's magic # # You know # And in this land not entirely like our own, lived a puppy, Doogal, and the girl on the swing is his best friend Florence. Who else is here? Ermintrude the cow. There's Brian, the snail. Brian loved Ermintrude. Florence and Doogal. And Florence and Doogal. Doogal and Florence. And that's Zebedee, the good wizard. Oh, Doogal! And here they all are together, and together is what this story is all about. # ...never seen a daybreak # # Leaning on my pillow in the morning light # ( clockwork mechanism shifts ) ( female voice singing opera ) ( female voice coughing ) Doogal? Doogal, I just knew you'd make it. - Oops. - They're about to start rehearsal. Oh, yeah. Sure, Florence. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Welli you'd better not think you're getting some candy just for showing up. Candy? Who needs candy? Not me. l quit... this morning. Hmm. l'll believe that when l see it. ( music begins ) Ermintrude is about to begin. Be nice. - Not again. - ( whispering ) l said nice! ( Ermintrude sings Bizet's Carmen ) ( clockwork mechanism shifts ) Unh! Two, three, four! Crank it, Mr. Rusty! # Girl, you really got me goin' # # You got me so l don't know what l'm doin' # Shake that T-bone! # Girl, you really got me now # # You got me so l can't sleep at night # Hit it, Dairy Queen. ( singing together ) # Oh, yeah # # You really got me now # Doogal? # You got me so l don't know what l'm doin' now # # Oh, yeah # # You really got me now # # You are a singin', dancin' bovine # # You really got me # # You really got me # # You really got me # ( Doogal gasps ) ( driver singing ) Whoa! Hey! Whoa! - ( tire deflates ) - Oh, man, would you look at that? What an unforeseeable accident! That's a pretty bad flat. We're looking at a multiple abrasion friction gash. Huh! l didn't know you were a qualified mechanic, Doogal. Of course! lf you bring me an air pump, some glue, four water skis, a trombone, and a package of Jawbreakers, I might just be able to help you out. ( chuckles ) l am lucky you are here. Oh! Can you take care of my things? No problem! l'll take care of them all right. Hmm. l think l'll take care of those lollipops, and then those candy canes, and then those jellybeans! Oh, Doogal's in heaven! - ( engine starts ) - Whoa! Ohh! Ohhhh! Encore! Encore! Thank you to the snail in the first row. - ( tires screech ) - DOOGAL: Whoa! Aah! DOOGAL: lt's okay, Ermintrude! You're doing great! Aah! Watch out, Florence! DOOGAL: Whoa! Sorry. Well, looks like Doogal strikes again. Uh-oh. Oh, gee, that's not good. FEMALE VOlCE: Aah! - Oh! - No! FLORENCE: Everyone hang on! NARRATOR: Now, there's something you need to know about this carousel. It was magical. GlRL: l can't get off! And it had something dark and dangerous locked inside. Free at last! That was Zeebad, the evil wizard Zebedee feated and locked away years ago before he could freeze the world. DOOGAL: Oh, no! Florence! D YLAN: What a trip, man. Buzzkill. ERMlNTRUDE: When Florence gets out of there, you are gonna be grounded for life. Oh, no! Doogal, what's happening? Florence, are you all right? Doogal, it's cold. Don't worry, Florence. We'll get you out of there. What are we gonna do? ALL: Zebedee! Zebedee! Zebedee! Whatever's the matter, my friends? - Zebedee... - ...something terrible has happened. Look. Oh, no! l hoped this day would never come. What? Tuesday? But Tuesdays are great. No, Doogal, the day Zeebad escapes. Zeebad? But he's just a shaggy dog story. l'm afraid not, Doogal. He's all too real-- coldhearted, tyrannous, and cruel, and now you've released him. Ha ha ha! Unh! ( thinking ) Oh, right on! The Blue Man Group's back in town. ( sniffs, then grunts ) ( shudders ) Two words, sir--personal hygiene. ( breaks wind ) ( sniffs ) Mmm. Don't mind if I do. What the--? Soon it will be nice and frozen everywhere, just like it was before Zebedee ruined everything. Now, if l recall, l checked some baggage on that flight. Booya! - ( English accent ) Hello! - Nice! You'll do fine. Loyal. Brainless. And l've got to admit, l like the mustache. And you'll obey my every command! - Yeah, all right. - This ain't the ballet, nutcracker. Don't have the shoes for it, sir. - Now, march! - Capital idea! Heh heh heh! # l don't know, but l've been told # # We're gonna make the world real cold # Ten-hut! l call this one the Spin Cycle. Look at that, l'm great... l'm average...l'm terrible. This is not gonna work. l'm sorry, has anyone seen my--? Uhh. lnterns. - Ten-hut! - l'm back! Before you put an eye out. Sam the Sidekick, ready to blindly follow orders...sir! Solid. Now, here's the dealio, Sam. l have to get my hands on three totally awesome diamonds so l can rule the world. You're gonna help me. Pain, misery, and torment will be on your daily to-do list. And your only break...will be death! Heh heh heh! Oh...drag. Can l ask about holidays? - Three weeks, in summer. - That's off the hook, sir! Not that it'll ever be summer again. ( evil laughter ) lt's a bit of a loophole. You don't like it, talk to H.R. Anywho, let's see what Zebedee-doo-dah is up to. SAM: Oh...what do you got in there? Well, well. He's amassed an army-- the dog, a cow, a snail I'm doomed. Animals will be harmed in the making of this film. Now, to my hideout-- and the diamonds. Only by returning the enchanted diamonds to their original places on the roundabout will you defeat Zeebad. But if he finds them first, he will use them to freeze the sun. ( gasps ) You must head north into the mountains. There is no time to waste. Whoa! A hot map. Okay, you want us to go after the diamonds. Cool. But what we supposed to do, take the bus or something? ( gasps ) Okay, that's a box with a button on it. ( animals gasp ) ERMlNTRUDE: Did you see that? He just pressed a magic button and made a train! Now, that's what l'm talkin' about! You got it. l'm the train, and you're not. Take good care of this little box of tricks. lt may save you in your hour of need. Florence, we'll find those diamonds and get you out of there. l promise. l believe in you, Doogal. Remember, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. - No. Leave that to us. - Huh? All aboard! Don't worry, you guys. l know Doogal's gonna save us. Uh-oh. We're in so much trouble. TRAlN: Woops. Sorry. NARRATOR: And so, while Zebedee searched for Zeebad, Doogal and his friends set out to find the enchanted diamonds. Doogal knew that if he didn't find them, he might never see Florence again. l'm so sorry, Florence. BRlAN: Doogal? Yeah? You shouldn't feel guilty just because this is all your fault. Me?! Oop. Sorry. That didn't come out right. My fault ? What did I do? Other than busting up the merry-go-round and trapping Florence and those children, causing the escape of a maniac so he could run around and freeze the sun? Other than that, nothing. All l wanted was to get my paws on some candy. Yeah. lt starts with candy bars, man-- maybe a Snickers fun-size-- and before you know it, you've eaten all the Three Musketeers and their families. BRlAN: Oh, yeah. D YLAN: Maybe you've got, like, a problem, my furry friend. No, l don't. And l'm not gonna rest until l've done everything in my power to make things right. ERMlNTRUDE: Ooh! lt's gettin' cold! NARRATOR: As our heroes made camp for the night, none of them had any idea as to the danger that lurked in the shadows. ERMlNTRUDE: Doogal! Do you get tired of watching us work? You gonna help us put up the tents? Hmm? Uh, no. You guys are doing a wonderful job. l mean, keep up the good work. l'd just be in the way. Oh...and who's making dinner tonight? 'Cause l'm getting kinda hungry. Oh, l see. The silent treatment, huh? Well, fine! l got my own camp over here, and it's awesome. l don't need you guys. Ahh. The full moon. What do you say, Ermintrude? Feel like jumping over it with me? Ermintrude? l can't believe l'm missing my big show tonight! Ooh, these hills have some phenomenal acoustics. Let me hear you say... # Hey! Oh! Ho! # # Ho! # # Say ho # - Look out! - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! l slimed my shell. Are you happy now? Your singing killed my chocolate. All right, y'all. Beauty sleep time. Not that l need it. Dylan! ( Dylan snores ) - Dylan! - What's up, Doc? lt's bedtime. Thank you. l might've slept right through it. Someone should guard the camp, and l was thinking-- Good. You're on. What? Night, y'all. DOOGAL: But, uh... ( Dylan yawns ) Alone? Come on, Train. - ( whistle toots ) - Oops! l tooted. - ( video game beeping ) - BRlAN: No, no, no, no, no! Master Chief ate it! Look at me. l'm all alone, guarding against the cold. Watchdog! Whart's wrong with a watch snail? Or a watch cow? ( moose bleats ) Uhh... Who goes there? - Don't make me bite you. - Yeah, that's scary. Back up. l-l know dog-fu. Yeah. Listen, man, there's this hostile little blue guy with an-- Who's that? MOOSE: ( whispering ) There he is. Zebedee, is that you? ( Zeebad laughs wickedly ) - Uh... - ZEEBAD: Yes! Aah! ZEEBAD: Good boy. BRlAN: Doogal! Here, Doogal, Doogal, Doogal! ( Brian whistling ) D YLAN: This is not cool, dude! We're worried about you, man! Whoa! Hey, look! Tracks! l think they were left by feet. Wait. l've seen these before. They can only be made by the abominable... ...moose? Don't worry. l speak Moose, everyone. Hey, buddy... Ma-ma say, ma-ma sah, ma-ma say soo kah. ( thinking ) Yeah, dude. Su-sussudio and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Come on! You're wasting your time, Brian! ERMlNTRUDE: Whoever heard of a talking moose, huh? ( snorts ) He says he'll grant us three wishes if we stand-- I said I know where your dog is ! Doogal! He knows where Doogal is! Come on! Hurry! SAM: Nice weapon, sir. l just hope we never have to fight someone at room temperature. DOOGAL: You're gonna be in trouble when Zebedee gets here. ZEEBAD: Too bad no one knows you're here. Now, dog, tell me everything. Well...l was a very happy puppy. My first memories are of catching tennis balls with Florence. And then, as l grew up... Pipe down! Tell me about the diamonds! lf you care about your friends at all, you'll give me the secret location of the super-powered bling-bling! Well, you're wasting your time. I don't even have the map. So...there's a map, huh? ( laughs ) Oh! Uh...no, no, no, no, no! No map. You know, l wonder how long it would take for a little girl to freeze solid inside a merry-go-round? - Doogal! - DOOGAL: Florence! Stay away from her! Help me help you help the girl! - The map! - Forget it, Frosty! Ooh! Tough guy. Sam, put down the lint roller! l'm sorry. There's just dog hair everywhere. ZEEBAD: l need you to work this mutt until he talks. Get busy! Right! B'' to the ''izzy. Uh, look, this torture stuff's a bit new to me, so, uh, what is it you're most afraid of? Oh, uh...hmm. ( grunts ) Okay. World domination speech. Hello, citizens of the world! Yes! - Ug... - DOOGAL: Oh, this is awful! No! No more! Oh, good, Sam. Enjoy yourself. DOOGAL: Oh! No more! Please! SAM: Twenty-six! Oh... DOOGAL: l can't stand it! Twenty-seven! Oh, you can't possibly take much more of this. You've eaten twenty-seven caramels already! You'll have to make me eat a hundred before I tell you anything! ( evil laughter ) And of course l'll be renaming the planet lceland. Eh, no. That's taken. Uh...Planet Freeze! Uh...Chilly Town! Nah. Frost-topia. We'll bring in some focus groups. We'll workshop. ( suspenseful music plays ) - DOOGAL: Please! No more! - You have quite a tolerance for pain! - Ohh! - Huh? DOOGAL: Ohh! Ow! DOOGAL: Ohh! l can't feel my paws! Hee hee hee! ( groans ) - ERMlNTRUDE: You all right? - SAM: No, not too bad. l rather-- Oh! And my face will be on all the money! We'll call them Zee-bills. Blue will be the new green. Yes. DOOGAL: No! Leave me alone, you evil, evil fiend! ERMlNTRUDE: Doggy-dog, are you out of your mind? We tryin' to bust you out of this joint! Could you come back in five minutes? l think l can get some lollipops out of him. D YLAN: Okay, back it up, man. Okay. Take her back, take her back! Finish him off, Sam. Time we-- Where's the dog? How do you lose something that was in a cage? You're absolutely right, sir. My bad. Not prepared for the falling cow. Huh? Not so fast. Get your hands off the merchandise, Slick! That's no way to treat a diva! Ermintrude! ( train whistle blows ) Help! Aah! ZEEBAD: Ohh! Back it up! Back it up! How nice of you to drop in! Don't...ever...touch...my girlfriend... ...again! Doh! SAM: What's this? The cow and the snail-- classic romance. Follow them. DOOGAL: Come on, guys. Let's keep moving. We've got to get out of here fast! ERMlNTRUDE: Doogal, you know l love your hairy hide, but just once can you try to stay out of trouble? ALL: Whoa! Whoa! GOLDUST: # We're spinnin', spinnin' around # # Bom bom bom bom # # We're spinnin', spinnin' around # # Bom bom bom bom # # We're spinnin', spinnin' aound # # Bom bom bom bom # # We're spinnin', spinnin' around # # Ooh ooh ooh ooh # # Bom bom bom, bom-bom-bom bom bom bom # Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Ohh! Stop! D YLAN: Man! That's deep! ( Doogal gasping ) l slimed my shell. You took the words right out of my mouth! - Sam? - Yes? Your sword. Sir! En garde! D YLAN: Hey, man... give peace a chance! Nobody can save you now! ( evil laughter ) ALL: Zebedee! Zebedee! Zebedee! You! So, we meet again. lndeed. l've waited 10,000 years for my revenge, and as you know, revenge is a dish best served cold. ( both groaning ) D YLAN: Way to go, Zebedee! D YLAN: You know, l think his spring has sprung! SAM: Ohh! Hey! Where do you think you're going? ( sighs ) Sam! Sam, stop! Think about what you're doing! But l've got a job now. l'm not just a fixture on a merry-go-round. l'm a soldier! You may wear a soldier's uniform, Sam, but it's what's inside that counts. Zebedee, look out! Aah! Good shot, sir! Run! Run! Come on, gang! Here's our chance! Aah! Not again! ( cow bell clanging ) SAM: Aah! ( train whistle blows ) ZEEBAD: Just...stand...still! ZEEBAD: Your days in the sun are over, Zebedee! You know, there can only be one spring to rule them all, and l am the Lord of the Springs. Wait! Zebedee's in trouble! No! Save yourselves! What'll we do? What'll we do? Well, we can't leave him. To the rescue! You've got to find the diamonds! Aah! You know, Zebedee, l've been thinking. You been working so hard, puttin' in the hours, it's time to take a break. Get the diamonds! DOOGAL: No! ERMlNTRUDE: We don't have a choice. We have to go now. There's nothing more we can do here. ( Doogal cries ) - D YLAN: Come on, Doog. - ERMlNTRUDE: Hurry. ( evil laughter ) ( Sam clears throat ) ( Sam laughs ) No, Sam, the evil laugh really comes from the back of the throat. NARRATOR: None of them wanted to believe it, but in his heart, Doogal knew it was true. Zebedee had gone forever. l can't believe he's really gone. D YLAN: Zeb's dead, baby. Zeb's dead. But Zebedee's magic is the only thing that can stop Zeebad. What are we gonna do? Be strong, Ermintrude. We have to be brave. The world is counting on us. After all, that was Zebedee's dying wish. D YLAN: What are we gonna do? Without Zebedee, we're nothing. Yeah. ERMlNTRUDE: Then we should just give up. No! Brian's right! We're gonna save our world! Dylan, where's the map? lt's right here. BRlAN: There--head for the tallest mountain, straight ahead! DOOGAL: That's the spirit, everyone! lt would take a sea of boiling lava to keep us from those diamonds now! DOOGAL: No way. ERMlNTRUDE: Hey, look on the bright side-- when the rest of the world freezes over, we could all live here. DOOGAL: This can't be the end. I've got to sace Florence! Well, then, we can't leave without the diamond, and it's somewhere over there. Hey, Doogal, aren't dogs supposed to, like, fetch? Not me. The only tricks l know are, Sit, Doogal, and chasing my tail till l pass out. And l'm allergic to being burnt up. What about Dylan? He's got nine lives. Yeah. That's a cat. genius. - Enough! - Huh? Ahem. We should all go together. DOOGAL: Or... ...one of us stays here, in case something happens. TRAlN: He's not a dog, he's a chicken. Hmm? All right, all right. l understand. You don't want to go without your leader. Ooh! ls anybody else hot? NARRATOR: The bridge was very, very high. The path was very, very narrow. The lava was very, very hot. Do you think they were scared ? Wouldn't you be? Ohh! DOOGAL: Careful! TRAlN: lt's okay. This is gonna be a snap. Aah! Aah! Aah! No! Hang on! Hang on! Up! Pull us up! Dylan, do something! DOOGAL: Give it some gas! l don't know what to do! Watch out! What does this one do? Up, down, up, down...?! l think l can, l think l can, l think l can, l think l can...! TRAN: Hey! I can! ( sighs of relief ) ERMlNTRUDE: That wasn't even funny! TRAlN: Excuse me. Pardon me. D YLAN: Okay, no need to panic. Now! Now panic, everybody! ( animals yelling ) - ( tires screech ) - TRAlN: Whoa! ( steam whistles ) D YLAN: That was awesome! Could we go again? Can we? Can we go again? ( lava bubbles ) DOOGAL: Guys! Hey, guys, over here! Hurry up! l think l see it! ERMlNTRUDE: Look at it! lt's beautiful! DOOGAL: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the first diamond. And you guys thought we couldn't do it. l hope l am pure of heart enough-- Woop! Just kind of pops right out. ( imitates Gollum ) My precious! Kidding! There's a picture inside of it. - ( Florence shivering ) - What--what if they never come back? I'm so cold! Come on, we can't give up hope. Look! lt's Florence! ( girl shivering ) Strange. For a second there, I thought I heard something. Never mind. It couldn't have been. She heard me? Florence, it's me, Doogal! You've got to hang on! Doogal, is that you ? I-I can't hear you! DOOGAL: No, come back! Florence! FLORENCE: Doogal! She's my best friend. lf Florence doesn't make it, l don't know how I will. Ohh. ( evil laughter ) - ( Ermintrude gasps ) - D YLAN: Ohh! For me? And l didn't get you anything. And now, the map. Who said anything about a map, huh? ( Zeebad laughs ) D YLAN: Oh, Doogal, you didn't. But they tortured it out of me. Yes. We're proud of our work. Let's have it. ZEEBAD: l'm sorry. Where's my head? - Please? - Over my dead body. See, Sam? Try to be civil, use the P'' word-- l guess now l'll have to get the garlic butter! You're bluffing. Look, it's the map, or you're snail parmesan. You mess with the snail and you talkin' to the cow! Here. Take the stupid map. DOOGAL: You can't read it. lt's in Pig Latin. Oh, really? lce-nay Y-tray. l studied Pig Latin in ''lce School, dog. Sorry we can't stay, but you know how it is. Diamonds to find, planets to freeze. Been nice seeing you all again. ZEEBAD: Come on, Sam. Gonna play a little game called Break the Bridge. SAM: Sounds like fun, sir. What's the objective? ZEEBAD: Just...follow...me! SAM: Like this, sir? Ten-hut! Yes! Hello! ( grunts with exertion ) That's good! Yes, sir! Hi! Ohh! This is a bad game! Ohh! ( Zeebad chuckles ) ZEEBAD: Good work, Sam! l should give you a raise! Yes, sir. D YLAN: Dude, that guy's, like, totally villainous, man. What is up with that? l mean, did he not get enough structure as a kid, or, l don't know...? DOOGAL: How are we ever gonna get out of here? That's it! Show's over! We're finished! Just as l was about to hit it big! You are big. Thanks, Doogie, but l want to go out singing like Aretha, not grilled up like some big old sirloin steak. Hey, now, wait. Might l remind you that we are carrying a secret weapon. You mean our faith in each other and the power of friendship? Sure, that, and... Zebedee's magic box! ( chuckles ) Cool! Now, if l could just get my head around how to work this thing. Did Zebedee give anyone the instructions? Just press the button! Okay! Chill! A boat. Great. And now we'll just sail away on the boiling lava. Wait, wait, wait, wait. l've got a set of tools. Anyone seen Pimp My Boat? BRlAN: He's really lost it this time. ERMlNTRUDE: Ooh, this heat is makin' my skin all leathery! l must look like a walkin' handbag! BRlAN: Oh, no, Ermintrude. l think you look-- that is, l find you-- Look, in case we don't make it out of here, l just want you to know that-- D YLAN: Hey, anyone need a lift? BRlAN: Whoa! GOLDUST: # You're simply wonderful # NARRATOR: Dylan had made a balloon out of the tents-- a harebrained idea, you might say. A rather good one, if you ask me. # You catch me every time I fall # ERMlNTRUDE: Bunny, bunny, bunny! A flying boat? Not bad! That's some smart thinking. lt's all about altitude over attitude, Ermin-dude. Excuse me. We still have one small problem. We have no idea where we're going. Brian's right. We could drift around here for years. Or, we could just, like, follow them. SAM: # Take one down-- watch it, it's hot! # # 98 kettles of tea on the wall # ( singing becomes rapid and high-pitched ) # 98 kettles of tea on the wall # # 98 kettles of tea... # SAM: # No kettles of tea on the wall # All right, next song. Any requests? ZEEBAD: How about The Sound of Silence? SAM: Okay. You'll have to harmonize. l'll take the high notes, and-- No, Sam. Zip it. l gotta get my head on straight about these diamonds. The map only tells us so much. lf l fail, we're in for a world of green fields, and flowers, and all kinds of-- And trees, and rainbows, and fuzzy little bunny rabbits with big heads-- Just pipe down and row, Garfunkel! ( voice echoes ) Soon, l will have ultimate power. There'll be no sun! And l'll get a blue Humvee that reads lce Man on the side of it. Booya! ( evil laugh ) ( not-so-evil laugh ) Sam...you're ruining the moment. SAM: Sorry, sir. ls that a falling star, Trude? Falling?! Do not talk about falling when we are floating perilously above the earth in a homemade balloon! Hmm. Okay. Aren't the stars beautiful? Mm-hmm. So beautiful! Wouldn't you love to be one of them? I'd give anything. You'd make a wonderful star. Oh, Brian. Now you're just playing with me. So serene. So heavenly. Traveling everywhere in a limo! Always looking down on everyone. Ohhh, yes! ( yawns ) We should get some sleep, man. Seriously, is that all you think about? Well, only when l'm awake. l can't sleep. l'm too worried about Florence. She's so helpless without me. She must be petrified. Pet...fried? Bad karma! lt's just, we're a team. Whatever we do, we do it together. Her life would be quite empty without me there. Yeah. Me sleepy now. ( snoring ) During scary thunderstorms, she insists l sleep on the bed with her... for her protection. She just loves to throw a tennis ball. And who's always there to bring it back, just so that she can have the enjoyment of throwing it again? l'm telling you, Dylan, l bet she really misses that. Really. Really. l know I do. ( birds squawking and trilling ) Hey, guys, Skull lsland. lt looks just like it does in the movies. lce. That means more Zeebad. Something strange is definitely afoot. D YLAN: Oh, it's definitely afoot. Hope Kong's not awake. DOOGAL: Guys, this place looks kind of creepy. Maybe we should circle the island again. Ah! We're a couple of real Tomb Raiders, aren't we, sir? ZEEBAD: There we go. Welcome to the Aztec Galleria Mall. Let's bounce. Hold up, sir, hold up. After me, sir. lt could be dangerous, and l've got a sixth sense. ( twang ) Yes, and you almost lost three through five. Why don't you use some common sense? l'm gonna go check for hieroglyphics. Ah, here we go. Men's room, food court... Ha! Booby-trapped lobby. SAM: Well, that was a bad idea. Someone could get hurt walking through here. D YLAN: Land, ho! What was that? ZEEBAD: They're still alive?! SAM: Well, wax my mustache! ZEEBAD: lt's perfect! lt'll be like mice in a mousetrap. They'll clear the way, and then we just stroll in and get the cheese. SAM: Quite evil of you, sir! DOOGAL: Are you sure we're sure about this? lt's not too late to turn around. Or... Whoa! Aah! Ow! ( train whistle blows ) Sorry. Hey! Look at all these cool plants! ( rattling sound ) Ohh! We should, like, send Zeebad a bouquet. l wonder where Zeebad is. l think we must have passed him. Nice one, Train. - No worries, Rabbit. - ( bell dings ) Wait here, and keep your pistons pumping. We're gonna need 'em for a quick getaway. ( train whistle blows ) ( evil laughter ) Oh, look! Full of caveman pictures! lt might just mean Welcome, or Aloha, or, uh... Death to All Who Come Here. l know. Why don't you go on up ahead. We'll be right behind you, prayin'. Oh, for Pete's sake, I'll go. lt's amazing we've gotten this far with all this whining and sarcasm. lf we put half as much work into the mission as we put into our bickering... l guess Brian really does have a backbone. And here's an idea. Why don't we stop thinking just about ourselves and start paying attention to what's going on around us instead of living in our own little bubble. Nobody ever asks, Brian, what do you think about politics? ''Brian, seen any good movies lately? Brian, are you any good at video games? Because, yes, l am. l have excellent reflexes. But if l gotta hear one more joke about snail-mail or being shell-shocked, l think l'm gonna lose my cool! Because, honestly, the wrong words can be crushing. ( all gasp ) Hmm. Let's go! ( metal clatters ) l never thought l'd say this, but what a snail! ( jungle birds cawing and trilling ) ( frightful squawk ) NARRATOR: You know when you habe butterflies in your tummy? Well, the poor little train had butterfiles in his boiler. ( steam whistles ) BRlAN: Hmm! - Hey! - Whoa! Anybody find the diamonds? Whoa, whoa! Let's use our inside voices, Doogal. Start looking for clues. ( sniffing ) Hmm. This must be where they had all the luaus. Oh, a throne! The perfect place to enjoy my last piece of bubble gum. ( chews noisily ) Oh, look. A recline button. Ohh! Ohh! Oh, no! Dudes, what...? Whoa! What...? Oh, look! ( chewing bubble gum ) Cool light show! Very Pink Floyd. No! They're alarm beams. Someone has to get through to the diamond. But l'm chewing my gum. l'm a little jumpy. Didn't y'all hear Brian before? l'll do it! l used to be a dancer, you know. Back when I was on Soul Train, I had all the moves. Stop talking, Ermintrude, and please get me out of here! ( disco dance music playing ) Om. ( gulps ) Ohh! Yeah, yeah, yeah...yow! - Hoo! Ha ha! - ( crash ) l am so fly! ( chuckles ) Sweet move! That was great...! ALL: No! Oops! Ohh! Whoa! ( mimics Jack Nicholson ) Here's Johnny! ( dance music plays ) Someone order ribs? Bring out the dead! Pirates of the Caribbean! Hey, thought we said no Disney jokes. Whassup? Oh, look, we got Bone Thugs-n-Harmony up in here. ( gasps ) Ooh! Scary red eyes. Lookin' all Dawn of Dead and everything. Anybody know karate? D YLAN: l trained with Morpheus. l know kung-fu, John Woo, judo, kendo, tae kwon do, Wu-Tang Clan, and chai tea. Ha! Can you teach me some of that? Dylan, can you beat them up? My name is Neo. SKELETON: Hey, l'm Steve. There is no spoon. Aw, man! Steve's down! SKELETON: Moo! Uh... That's what l call pulling yourself together. Okay, ready guys? On three. One...two... Maybe we shoulda done that on two. l have a bone to pick with you. Behind you! - What? - ERMlNTRUDE: Hey. lt's hammer time. Ha ha! You know you can't touch this. Wax on...wax off! Hmm. A good group effort. Now let's grab the diamond and head out. Why do l always get the shaft? Lucky l have tunnel vision. Ouch. Whoa! Ohh! So...the fearless warrior of legend has come to claim the diamond. ( mimics English accent ) Just a couple of Muggles on our way to Hogwarts, here for a pickup from He Who Must Not Be Named. ls that you, governor? What? Look, do you want the diamond or don't you? Oh. Well, if you're offering. Yes, please. l've got a better idea. Let's jump him. Cha... ...arge! ( sinister chuckle ) lt was just a thought. How about... run away! ( animals scream ) ( gasps ) Aah! Aah! Hey! Hey! l promise, l won't ever bury another bone ever again! Aah! Aah! Aah! ( bell dings ) Fiddlesticks! Way to finally step up, Doogal. D YLAN: Well done. Well, if you keep your cool and try not to freak out, it's amazing what you can do. Now let's grab the diamond and get out of here. ( all gasp ) D YLAN: Whoa! lt's gone! Oh, someone's been watching CSI. - Now, l'd like to thank the Academy-- - Coming, sir! Ohh, you just can't get good help these days. So, which one of you knuckleheads wants to tell me where the third diamond is? Nope! Resistance is futile! lt's about to get chilly in here! You don't want to press our buttons, right, Doogal? - ( bell dings ) - Aah! Yeah! That's the last we'll see of them. Huh? SAM: Hello, sir! - Aah! - No! - ( loud clank ) - SAM: My fault, sir! Good thinking, Ermintrude. Yeah, dude, but we just flushed away diamonds one and two. So...what do we do now? Look at the picture on the wall. That looks just like our little carousel back home. BRIAN: And that looks like a diamond. DOOGAL: That's it! The third diamond is inside the carousel. lt's been right in our own backyard this whole time! And Zeebad has no idea. That's it. We've got to get back to the carousel right away. Since Zeebad's out of commission, with no hieroglyphic info... ( yawns ) l think it's time for a little siesta. DOOGAL: Guys, look! - ( metal clanks ) - What's that? Voices? DOOGAL: Whoa! TRAlN: Who's there? Hey, that sounds familiar! l'll take familiar over the Temple of Doom any day. Let's get out of here. ERMlNTRUDE: Oh, slow down! You're making my milk curdle. Are you kidding? We're moving at a snail's pace. A snail's pace is just fine with me. Oh, Ermintrude! That's the nicest thing you've ever said. Relax, Doogie. Soon this whole crazy trip will be behind us. Behind us! - That's waht I said, man! - No, look behind us! You can't leave. - Faster! - Choo-choo-chooing! Head's up! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, dudes, talk about a near-death experience! l thought l saw the light at the end of the tunnel! That is the light at the end of the tunnel! We're gonna be all right! And Zeebad's still trapped in the temple! Then, like, who's that ? His evil clone, Mini-Zee? Where's my third diamond? Very assertive, sir! Oh, no! Whoo! ( animals shouting ) TRAlN: Hang on! Aah! Somebody pull a lever or press a button or something! Okay. This one looks like it's for the radio, this is for the AC, and this one looks...green. Aah! Or it could be an ejector seat. Aah! - ( loud clank ) - What was that? l think we've been hit! Where am l? l've been blinded! l'll never make it to the carousel now! Huh? So that's where they're headed. The carousel! And that is where l'll find my third and final diamond. Ha ha ha! So long, slime ball! ( train whistle blows ) Sam, we've a prisoner up there we need to dispose of. Dispose of the prisoner? We can't do that, sir. Geneva Convention, sir! I don't care if it's a Star Trek convention! ( evil laughter ) Trekkies! Nerd alert! Beam him out! Help! Help! Brian! Whoa! - Ow! - Whoa! Sorry about that. Ohh, Ermintrude, you saved me. We're gonna lose this race to Thomas the Tank Engine? l don't think so! More coal! Shoveling as fast as l can, sir! ( high-pitched hiss ) ( train horn blares ) Whoa! Trouble, dead ahead! Fine. Now it's time to stick it to the man-- to the dog, snail, cow, etc. You guys know what l mean. Aah! Oh, no! ( high-pitched hissing ) Sir, the pressure! lt's too much! Sam, l know! Not to get all Dr. Phil on you, but you need balance in your life or you'll just explode! Funny you should say that, sir. Ooh! That little blue man just blew up! TRAlN: That's the good news. And the bad news is-- Aah! D YLAN: l can fly! No, l can't. ( train whistle shrieks ) Ohh! D YLAN: l'm fine. l broke the fall with my face. Ermintrude, are you all right? Well, Brian, l'd have been better with a shell. Guys, let's get moving. At least Zeebad doesn't know where the last diamond is. Yeah, that's not exactly true. Back there on the train, l was dazed and confused, and it sort of slipped out. lt slipped out? Oh, like you've never been confused before? Yeah, but it's just... um, what? Blaming each other won't solve anything. Now let's get on the train. l think l just pulled a gasket. Attention, passengers. We may experience a delay. Can you put any weight on it? Ohh. Ohh! Yeah, l'm out of service. Well, you did fall half a mile out the sky. The sun is setting! TRAlN: Then you've got to keep moving without me. D YLAN: Just keep it elevated, man. BRlAN: You can make it. Just follow our tracks. TRAlN: Don't worry about me. ( train whistle blows ) Wow, that was irritating. Should have got the insurance. Sam! Quit loafing around and let's get moving! ( grunts ) Sorry, sir. Not doing too well. Did you, uh, see a bright light? Yes, Sam, l've seen the light. lt's the light bulb that went off in my head that makes me realize l never should have counted on you in the first place! As my apprentice, you're fired! Sorry, sir. ls there any severance package? Well, the best l can do is not freeze you. Hasta la vista. wood man. Peace out. ( groans ) Villains. They can be so...cruel. ( wind howling ) NARRATOR: There was no escaping it. Zeebad's icy grip was all over the world. BRlAN: l-l can't feel my limb. DOOGAL: But Florence and the kids. lf we don't make it there soon, they'll be frozen solid. ln case you haven't noticed, we are not doing much better, Doogal. W-well, you know what they say, man. W-what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... or colder. Look! Footprints. They're fresh, too. Maybe they'll lead us back home. W-well, like, what kind of freaky creatures would leave footprints like these? They must be exhausted, too. One of them seems to be crawling along the ground. l prefer the term gliding. ERMINTRUDE: Oh, man, they're ours! And l used to think that chasing my tail was c-cute. Well, l'm just gonna lie down here on this warm beach and lay in the sand. l don't know what to say, Doogal, but l guess our best wasn't nearly good enough. l guess this is curtains, y'all. ( gasps ) DOOGAL: No! We can't give up now. We're close! l can feel it. l told Florence l'd save her. l promised! Florence! Florence. ( moose breaks wind ) Uh-oh. What do we have here? Hey, check it out. A little man. ( sniffs ) SAM: Oh, hello! You're not going to sit on me, are you? Come on! Wake up! Wake up! Dylan! Oh, come on, man. l was just dreaming that l was jamming out with McCartney. We couldn't see where we were last night, but look! BRlAN: Closer than we ever knew! DOOGAL: There's the carousel! Let's get down there and help Florence! Home, sweet frozen home! That diamond's got to be here somewhere. Be easier to find if some idiot hadn't frozen it solid! Oh...that was me. SAM: Zeebad! This wasteland isn't big enough for the both of us! Look, when l leave someone for dead, l expect them to die! You can't even do that right, can you? l haven't done anything right since l left the carousel. Now it's time to resume my post! You? You did something right on the carousel? lndeed, sir. Guarding it from the likes of you. ( chuckles ) You, a guard! You couldn't guard against underarm odor. Well, personal hygiene in the field is difficult. But it's like Zebedee told me-- it's what's inside that counts. Charge! Ohh! ( groans ) Just like old times, sir. No! ( groans ) Ohh! The third diamond! lt's beautiful. And now it's mine. ( groans ) Something so priceless in someone so worthless. Oh, the irony! And now, it's time for the big chill. ( evil laughter ) Ooh, pretty! Aah! Zeebad! Huh? Ah, perfect. You're just in time for the grand finale! So long, sunshine! Heh heh heh! Ohh. Florence! ( sniffing ) Ohh! Oh, no! Florence! Oh, no! This isn't how it was supposed to end! l was supposed to be your knight in furry armor. Oh! lf only l hadn't been so selfish and stupid! l guess this is it, Dylan. Bye-bye, Brian! Uh, Ermintrude... before we freeze, there's something l've been meaning to tell you. ( evil laughter ) This guy...is seriously... messing with...the wrong... bunny! ERMlNTRUDE: You know that rabbit done lost his mind, right? Eat this, you twisted, jack-in-the-box freak! You! Take a chill pill, rabbit! Holy cow! Ohh! - Ow! Aah! - ( ice cracking ) Wait a minute! That's it! Ermintrude, sing! Sing as loud as you can! Sing?! Ooh! Aah! You always puttin' down my voice, and now you want a concert? What, are you crazy? Aah! Doogal might be on to something. Yeah! Ermintrude, sing! lt's the end of the world, not karaoke night! Please, Ermintrude, sing! Fine! ( singing badly ) Aah! Who triggered the Emergency Broadcast System? ( singing reaches high note ) Somebody turn her off! Yeah! ( moose bleats ) ( breaks wind repeatedly ) ( knuckles crack ) Let's show him what this ragtag team can do. Eat ice! DOOGAL: Are those feet lucky? Run! ERMlNTRUDE: Let's jump the moon, Brian! Whoa! Whoa! - ( low growl ) - Snail got your tongue? l just pooped my pants! Aah! Doopf! Dylan, heads up! Quick! Ow! Stupid frozen block! Whoa! My Axe-calibur! DOOGAL: lt's coming! Whoo-hoo! Batter up! No! Wahoo! lncoming! l got it! l got it! No. lt's mine. Mine! ERMlNTRUDE: And here l come! D YLAN: Bend it like Beckham, Ermie! ERMlNTRUDE: l'm Number One, Number One, Number One. Kick that! Two to nothing! The game's not over yet! BRlAN: Who's got me? Yaah! You're on the wrong team, Zeebad. All that's left is the third... - ZEEBAD: Mine! - DOOGAL: ...diamond! Called it! No do-overs. You know what you are? You're a big blue bully. BRlAN: He's right, you know. l think you're just lonely. Here comes a home run. No, you're out. - Uhh! - ( Doogal whimpers ) D YLAN: l got it. You got it? Wait. Who's got it? Call it in the air. - DOOGAL: lt's mine. - D YLAN: Quick, get it. DOOGAL: Wait! l got it! Ha ha! Victory! ( evil laughter ) Yes! So close and yet so... far out! Now it's closing time at the zoo. Not with our secret weapon-- Zebedee's magic box! - Huh? - Ha! Oh. lt does-- doesn't work. ( evil laughter ) Ooh! ( evil laughter ) Zebedee's toys can't help you now! ( train whistle blows ) D YLAN: That was awesome! Train! You made it! Uh-oh. Out of the way. l got us into this mess, and l'll get us out. TRAlN: Get it, Doogal! NARRATOR: This was the moment when Doogal knew with absolute certainty that he had to rise to the occasion. Unh! Whoa! Whoa! No! ( grunts and groans ) No! Whoo-hoo! We did it! We did it! DOOGAL: Yeah, we did it! l'll take a soda--no ice. - Whoo-hoo! - TRAlN: Nice going! There's nothing like some hot singing for thawing things out. Feels great to be back in the sweet, sweet sunshine! Yeah! But...where's Florence? Florence? GlRL: Oh, no! Florence! Florence, please wake up. Don't leave me like this. l ran across the entire world for you. l don't know what l'll do if l can't see your smile again. D YLAN: Sorry, old buddy. No, it can't! She can't! Florence! My best friend Florence! ( sobs ) She moved! Hmm? - ( all gasp ) - ERMlNTRUDE: She's alive! Oh, Florence! l thought l'd lost you forever! And l thought l'd lost you, too, Doogal. But you saved my life... and everyone else's. Oh, stop, please. lt's what any incredibly heroic dog would do, really. Oh. So...saving the world probably calls for a sweet reward. What? No, l've learned my lesson. l'm never touching another lollipop... or candy bar...or jelly bean... ( chuckles ) ( gasps ) But wait! Where's Zebedee? NARRATOR: As we all know, good magic never really dies. Ahh! NARRATOR: And a good wizard will always bounce back. ( all gasp ) Zebedee! Bravo, my friends! l always knew you could do it! But we thought you were dead. Dead? Nonsense, Doogal. Everyone knows that after winter, it's time for spring! Yay! ( moose grunts ) DOOGAL: Sam? But we can't trust him. Don't be too hard on him. Sam, too, was a victim of Zeebad's maniacal magic. lt's time for you to return where you belong, Sam. Ohh! Back in business! B'' to the ''izzy! KYLIE MINOGUE: # Gather round # ( music starts slow, gathers speed ) # Come and take a trip # # 'Cause it's all right # GlRL: Let's go! BO Y: Come on! Let's go to the carousel! FLORENCE: Come on! MOOSE: ( thinking ) Everything's back to normal, except me. All right! I'm back! That's one magic mustache! - Hey, Train, check me out. - ( train bell clangs ) # I'm brown, it's my birthday # # I'm brown, it's my birthday # ( moose breaks wind ) NARRATOR: With Zeebad defeated and the world finally safe... SAM: Hello, sir! NARRATOR: ...our fellowship of unlikely heroes returned to their old lives, knowing their greatest weapon had been the simplest-- friendship, the one thing evil can never destroy. As for Doogal, nothing, not evil villains, not even a dangerous sweet tooth, would come between him and Florence ever again. Ha ha ha! FLORENCE: Doogal, let's go! Florence! ( both laughing ) One...two...three. DOOGAL: Oh! Not gonna catch me! ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA: # Sun is shinin' the sky # - FLORENCE: l got ya! - DOOGAL: Hey, no fair! # It's not raining # FLORENCE: Let's go see what everyone's up to. BRlAN: Hey, it's Doogal! Just in time for the picnic, of course. BRlAN: Whoa! DOOGAL: Hey, Florence, this is great! # Mr. Blue Sky is living here today # # Hey # FLORENCE: Oh, Doogal. # Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why # # You had to hide # - Catch, Doogal! - Uh-oh, it's too high! Too high! No, l've got it! lt's mine! Comin' through! Hot dog! DOOGAL: Florence, let me try it again. l know l can catch it. ERMlNTRUDE: # Mr. Blue, you did it right # # But soon comes Mr. Night # # Creeping over # # Now his hand is on your shoulder # # Never mind # # l'll remember you this way # Doogal, are you ready? Just about, Florence. Okay, everybody get ready. Hope l set this right. All right, everybody say cheesecake. FLORENCE: I love you, DOogal. DOOGAL: I love you too, Florence. ( Sugar, Sugar by the Archies plays ) Hang on! Let's--ho-- My gum came out! A narrator is a rather grand word, really, for storyteller. Ah! This is the only guitar riff l know! Whoo! Macy-o, Macy-o, Macy-o! Look at that, l'm great... l'm average...l'm terrible. No, l got served. Come on, we can take 'em! Charge! Time for bed. I mean, I'd turn the pages and I'd think, "Oh, you're so cute!" Mmm! Like a rotting Smurf wrapped in cabbage! Be easier to find if some idiot hadn't frozen it solid. Oh...that was me. Not me. The only tricks l know are, Sit, Doogal, and chasing my tail till l pass out. Are you saying l represent athletes, but l'm not an athlete? Yes! l've waited 10,000 years for my revenge. And you know that's a tush best served cold. - MAN: Cut! - ZEEBAD: I'm sorry, did I say tush? MAN: Cut! ( laughter ) All right, y'all, beauty sleep time. Not that l need it. She's a cow. l am a cow. l felt a connection, cow to cow. - Double-Dutch! - Double-Dutch! We thought you was good that way! KYLIE MINOGUE: # Both you and me # # A magical feeling # D YLAN: Don't look down. l just pooped my pants! Rock 'n' roll, dude! Whoo! l wish l could tell you l've played a snail before, but l really haven't. Don't worry. l speak Moose, everyone. Hey, buddy... Ma-ma say, ma-ma sah, ma-ma ma soo kah. - BRIAN: I can't do that. - MAN: Cut! Don't expect Robin Williams-type stuff. ( beeping sound ) l'm sorry, did you say fu or pooh? ( shouting ) l'm a bad cow! Need some water. ( gargled speech ) Hang on! l saw it in a movie once. ( gargled laugh ) NARRATOR: As a wide man once said, that's all, folks. # Roundabout # # Off on an adventure, we're coming to get ya # # Wherever that may be # # I won't let anything come here and upset ya # # Gonna set you free # # Whatever happens along the day # # It's gonna be fine # # Oh, yeah # # Come and take a trip # # 'Cause it's all right # # So join in with the fun # # The ride has just begun # # We're never comin' down # # We're spinnin' round and sound # # On the magic roundabout # # The magic roundabout # GOLDUST: # You're simply wonderful # # You lift me higher than I've ever been before # # You're # # Simply wonderful # # And in my mind, you catch me every time I fall # # Yes, in my mind, you catch me every time I fall # # Simply wonderful # # You're everything I need # # And more # # Ahhh # # Just one look # # Could set me up for life # # That's all it look # # Now I2m forever underneath the spell of you # # You're # # Simply wonderful # # You lift me higher than I've ever been before # # You're simply wonderful # # In my mind, you catch me every time I fall # # Yes, in my mind, you catch me every time I fall # # Simply wonderful # # You're everything I need # # And more # ( voices vocalizing ) Oh! Oh, you're still there! Didn't l tell you? Time for bed! ( gentle laughter ) Category:God Hand